Marital Fidelity

This week we've been focusing on marital fidelity. I've found it to be a sobering subject, but interesting to learn more about. In one of the articles that we read by Scott Gardner and Christian Greiner entitled, "Infidelity: Protecting Our Marriages" my eyes were opened to a much broader spectrum of what an affair really is and how the concept of fidelity has changed through the years.One such example, as illustrated in the graph below, is the change of perception that people are having about marital infidelity. I was expecting the results to portray opposite results but it's nice to know that when so much pressure and destruction is placed on the family at least people are starting to come around to the idea of fidelity.







The article also discussed the many different ways in which people are unfaithful to their spouses. The four types of affairs that the authors talked about were categorized by the type of involvement (either emotional or physical) and the level of attachment to the other individual (attached or detached). To maintain the clarity of the authors on this level, I have included direct quotes from the article.

Fantasy Affair
"A Fantasy Affair (emotional/detached) is characterized by having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who is anonymous and would likely never be met. Examples can include flirting online or otherwise fantasizing romantically about someone other than a spouse ... A Fantasy Affair (emotional/detached) is characterized by having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who is anonymous and would likely never be met. Examples can include flirting online or otherwise fantasizing romantically about someone other than a spouse"

Visual Affair/Pornography
"When we let our thoughts unfaithfully imagine what life would be like with another person, infidelity has been committed. More and more this type of infidelity is being committed online through e-mails, chat rooms, or social networking sites. One survey showed that on-line sexual activities were the cause of separation and divorce in over 22% of those surveyed (Schneider & Wise, 2001, cited in Subotnik, R., 2007, p. 188.) Even though the two people may never meet face-to-face, the unfaithful spouse becomes more and more emotionally disconnected from his or her family. Many will justify their thoughts claiming their love is dead, however President Kimball (1962) taught that when love wanes or dies “it is often infidelity of thought or act which gave the lethal potion.”

Romantic Affair
"A Romantic Affair (emotional/attached) occurs when an individual becoming emotionally involved with a specific person other than his or her spouse. A romantic affair is characterized by a “second life” and is a result of trying to escape the monotony of everyday life (VanderVoort & Duck, 2004).
The media is constantly telling us that ordinary marriage is “hopelessly boring and middle-class ” (cited in Hafen & Hafen, 1994). In the book “The Belonging Heart” Elder Bruce and Marie Hafen (1994) write that Satan would like us to believe that we should abandon our dull routines and seek out dramatic gestures of romance, even if that means looking outside our home. He wants us to believe that life’s petty responsibilities are impeding desire and love. He wants us to believe that every marriage should be like a Shakespearean love story, never asking us to imagine Romeo and Juliet dealing with household clutter, unpaid bills, and crying children. Research by VanderVoort and Duck (2004) confirms that there is often a “utopian edge” to an affair (p. 12). They believe that one reason this type of affair is so tempting is that it offers an escape from everyday life. It transfers a person from a life of laundry, ringing telephones and children into a life of hotels, resorts, and back rooms."

Sexual Affair
"In contrast to the Romantic Affair, a Sexual Affair (physical/attached) occurs when a person engages in sexual acts outside the bonds of marriage with or without emotional attachment. In some instances visual affairs will lead a person into committing the more serious sin of a physical affair. President Kimball (1962) warned, “The adversary is subtle; he is cunning, he knows that he cannot induce good men and women immediately to do major evils so he moves slyly, whispering half truths until he has his intended victims following him, and finally he clamps his chains upon them and fetters them tight, and then he laughs at their discomfiture and their misery.” Satan will try to convince us that we can find happiness, joy and pleasure in infidelity. Just the opposite is true. Even though it may seem for a time that everything is wonderful, President Benson (1988) warned, “Quickly the relationship will sour. Guilt and shame set in. We become fearful that our sins will be discovered. We must sneak and hide, lie and cheat. Love begins to die. Bitterness, jealousy, anger, and even hate begin to grow.”

After reading through this article and spending some time thinking through the messages that were presented, I took time to take stock of my marriage relationship and to make sure that all of my relations inside and outside of marriage are in order. I plan to do so frequently and I think it would be wise if all married or committed individuals did the same.