Genogram

For our midterm project, we were each assigned to make a genogram for four generations of our family. Before I came to school at BYU-Idaho I had never even heard of a genogram but over the years I have done a few for my various different classes. The specifics for this particular assignment was to track the relationships between our family members over the generations. The software that we were provided made it really nice because we didn't have to draw and erase lines, we could just drag, click, and add. So much easier! I learned a lot about my family. It was interesting to see how family interactions stayed consistent or in some cases changed throughout the generations.(I also learned that Facebook can be a lifesaver when you're trying to figure out birth dates - thanks everyone for disclosing so much personal information online:) Also, I need to start keeping better track of my family. So with any luck I can keep adding to my genogram so that we can view the changes in our family as it continues to grow and grow and grow! Three more additions on the Campbell side so far this year (one being us!) Can't wait to see how time will continue to change our family.

One of the greatest realizations that I had while working on this project was how grateful I am for the Plan of Salvation. I've had the opportunity to really ponder about my family and the different people that I know and love. Many of my family members I don't know as well as I would like, but it's comforting to know that through the blessings of the Gospel I will one day be able to live with them again and we can continue in our relationships throughout the eternities. It is also a comfort to me to know that even though we may have lost family members in the past or will lose them in the future, that we will have the opportunity to be with them again someday. How grateful I am for a fourteen year old boy from New York who went into the woods and asked ...

Building Intimacy

This week we've been talking about "getting involved," falling in love, and choosing a life partner. All three of these things are very important steps for anyone in their lives. It's been very interesting to see the research that has been done in these areas and to see how they fall in line with the teachings guidance we receive from our church leaders. More specifically though, we talked about the three different levels of communication; superficial, personal, and intimate. Reaching the point of intimacy in a relationship takes effort from both people. Some of the ways that we discussed that intimacy can be built in a relationship are:

* Sharing emotions
* Sharing of needs
* Sharing of thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and fantasies
* Sharing of self awareness

Although many of us interpret "intimacy" to be associated with romantic relationships intimacy can also be part of a friendship as well. According to a study done by Keith Davis in 1985, friends have the following eight characteristics:

* Enjoy being with each other most of the time
* Accept each other as they are
* Trust each other to act out of concern for the other's best interest
* Respect the judgments of each other
* Help and support each other
* Share experiences and feelings
* Understand each other's feelings and thoughts
* Feel at ease with each other, so that the relationship is based on openness and honesty rather than pretense

After reviewing these characteristics, I thought about those that I consider myself to be in friendships in and I realized that if I were really to have these qualities in my friends I would also need to have the characteristics myself. Needless to say, I have some work to do!

Gender Differences

This week we've been discussing a topic that many of us became aware of at a very young age: gender differences. One of the areas that we focused on was a talk that was given by Sheri Dew during the October 2001 General Conference entitled: It Is Not Good for Man or Woman to be Alone. Which you can find here: Sheri Dew. Here are a few excerpts that I found especially powerful.

"Satan understands the power of men and women united in righteousness. He is still stinging from his banishment into eternal exile after Michael led the hosts of heaven, comprised of valiant men and women united in the cause of Christ, against him. In the chilling words of Peter, “The devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” Lucifer is determined to devour marriages and families, because their demise threatens the salvation of all involved and the vitality of the Lord’s kingdom itself. Thus, Satan seeks to confuse us about our stewardships and distinctive natures as men and women. He bombards us with bizarre messages about gender, marriage, family, and all male-female relationships. He would have us believe men and women are so alike that our unique gifts are not necessary, or so different we can never hope to understand each other. Neither is true."

"Said President Harold B. Lee: “Pure womanhood plus priesthood means exaltation. But womanhood without priesthood, or priesthood without pure womanhood doesn’t spell exaltation.” 

"...there is no end to the good works of righteous men and women who respect each other and who thrust in their sickles and reap, side by side, in the Lord’s vineyard. If we are going to build the kingdom of God, we as men and women of God must build each other."

 

"Our Father’s patterns help us avoid deception. Look to the Lord and not to the world for your ideas and ideals about men and women. For, my young friends, you are the mothers, fathers, and leaders who were reserved for this unprecedented time because our Father knows you, and He knows you have what it takes to face the world and to be fearless in building the kingdom. Do it together, for it is not good for man or woman to be alone."

I feel that the world is sending so many mixed messages about the divine nature of gender, but when we go back to the fundamentals that we do know there is no doubt that each of us were created individually and specifically for the challenges that we will face in this world.

As we discussed more about gender differences we created a list of masculine and feminine traits, characteristics, and stereotypes so that we could compare and contrast how they were different or the same. Here is a condensed version of those lists.

Masculine:
* "Be tough"
* "Don't cry"
* Physical
* Dirty/Stinky
* Aggressive
* Insensitive
* Stronger
* Lack of commitment
* Bad
* Funny
* Blunt/say what they mean
* Leaders
* "Fixers"
* Bad listeners
* Single minded
* Less drama
* Logical

Feminine:
* Emotional
* Neat/Clean
* Not good at sports
* Relationship oriented
* Sensitive
* Weaker
* Dedicated
* Boring
* Whiney
* Drama
* Insightful
* Committed
* Manipulative
* Better communicators
* Judgmental
* Vulnerable
* Socially and emotionally observant

After we created these two lists (giving credit that every man or every woman doesn't have 100% of these qualities) we discussed how these people were perceived in our culture. It was brought up that it is more socially acceptable for women to have male qualities such as being more athletic, competitive, or more aggressive than their female counterparts. We also discussed how as a culture we deem it completely inappropriate for men to have more female qualities such as being compassionate, forgiving, or nurturing. After we explored this concept a little bit in our discussion we made another list on the board.

Characteristics of Christ:
* Loving
* Humble
* Nurturing
* Wise
* Caring
* Patient
* Compassionate
* Charitable
* Diligent
* Leader
* Perfect
* Strong
* Faithful
* Pure
* Forgiving
* Listener
* Self-less

Our instructor then asked us a question. If the purpose of us coming here to earth was to become more like Christ then why do we make fun of, demean, or look down upon those that have Christ like qualities, even if they may be socially unacceptable? I've been thinking a lot about that question this week and I think that it's important as individuals to treat each other the way that Christ would treat them. Especially when it comes to those that act, think, or believe differently than we do.